I love Jesus....(but I drink a little)...

Ok, loads of people have been waiting patiently for this...so I hope it lives up to your expectations!

Have you met a Feltes?  I mean, really, do you know a Feltes?  Well, allow me to introduce myself to you.  My mother, Clare, was the eldest daughter and 2nd born in a family of 7 kids.  From all accounts, growing up as a Feltes child was nothing short of interesting.  From those 7 kids, came a gaggle of their own kids (I'm really bad with numbers, so I'm gonna guess there are 13 of us - not including Lauren's kids).  From those roughly 13, came a whole other bushel of children.

There are 5 things we, as direct Feltes blood-lined individuals, do VERY WELL:
1.  We laugh...loudly, distinctly, and unforgetably.  I can't tell you how many people told me when I was growing up that they could tell when my mom was anywhere near because of her distinct laugh -- and how often people say the same thing of me now.  Sitting around Hotel Simon, I realized that we all have a distinct laugh and I could probably identify most of you by your laughs.
2.  We are ALL "strong-minded".  Bull-headed; stubborn; strong-willed -- however you choose to say it, it's the truth.  You can't deny it...case in point: How many Feltes women (including Feltes spouse women) does it take to hook up a DVD player so we can watch a frickin' movie?  10 WOMEN (oh and Tim swooping in at the last minute to make sure all is well)!!!  Trying to explain to Judy that the movie will simply not play without having the TV connected to the DVD player took more than 5 minutes and me shaking cords in her face to make my point.  Can I get a "amen"!
3.  We drink....and we love our drink.  One must never doubt that when the Feltes family members are gathered, there will be alcohol.  Beer, wine, whiskey, vodka, tequila....you name it, we're drinking it.  And when I say "gathered", it can mean 3 of us travelling on vacation or 50 of us at a reunion.
4.  If we aren't drinking, we are cleaning....EVERYTHING.  I mean, honestly, the Feltes women (1st generation mentioned) are forever cleaning something...the kitchen, the picnic table, the yard, the pool, the living room floor, the dining room table, etc etc etc.  Sheila: "I'm not a drinker, I'm a cleaner"  Oh yeah, that's going on your t-shirt for the next reunion!  Sadly, I think that gene and inherent need to constantly be cleaning up, in most cases, did not get passed along to the 2nd generation Feltes women mentioned.  See, I'd rather have a drink than clean -- but that's just me.
5.  We cry, together - alone - silently - with anguish - and to comfort.  Tears heal, it's been a proven fact. Crying helps to cleanse our souls.  It brings us together and reminds us of all that we've been thru and all of those awesome Feltes family members (including the out-laws) who are standing right there beside us, even in the most difficult of times.

But, perhaps, the most identifying characteristic of our family is, by far, within the things we say, when we say them, and how we deliver the lines!

• Family dinner...salads delivered and mostly eaten, Judy: (throws her fork down on the table) "Oh my God, I think I just ate Spinich!"  
• Same family dinner...fascinating musical entertainment loudly blaring in our ears, Steven: "I wonder if they know 'Gettin Jiggy With It'?  Lisa: "That's my favorite song! I know every word!" Much to Steven's surprise, not only did she really love that song, but she had it at the ready for the drive home, AND she, Claire, and honorary family for the night, Holli, ALL knew the words and rocked it out for him!
• Again with the same family dinner...food just delivered - a bottle of A-1 Sauce arrives in front of Sheila, Tony: "Don't be ruining that good steak with steak sauce!" Waiter, in a whisper: "It's already ruined, she ordered it well-done." He fit right in with us...
• Final family dinner moment...several bantering texts between Tony and Steven have been passed, Steven, after receiving the check for the group: "You Bastards!" Tony: "That's Uncle Bastard to you!"
• And who can ever mistake a Judy-ism....not to be confused with Judaism...
• "You haven't done the potty dance til you've had 4 beers."
• "They left me the cigarettes but didn't leave me a f#$%^& lighter!!

This is but a snippit of the awesomeness that is the Feltes family....don't ya wish you had more of it a little more often?!

Tootles, and for the love of all that is Holy in this world...DON'T EAT THE DAMN SPINACH!!!