Gifting Underwear

When you were growing up, did your mom and/or dad -- or perhaps Santa, himself -- give you socks and underwear for Christmas?  Maybe you were blessed with this amazingly simple and practical gift twice a year, on both Christmas and your birthday.  All I can tell you is that as a woman approaching her 35th birthday, I'm really wishing I were 10 again and knowing I'd be getting some really great socks and underwear.  


There's nothing worse than holes in your underwear.  Why?  It's simple really...as a mother of 3 (11, 3, and just turning 1) and having been a loving wife for the past 5 years who used to pride herself on a clean and organized home, I've been consumed with other daily worries:

• Getting the kids up, dressed, fed, and off to their designated destinations for the day...each day.  And, remembering where they are so that they can be picked up at the appropriate time at the end of the day.
• Figuring out who needs laundry done first and getting it done quickly and efficiently, avoiding the "creative clothing" process of an 11 year old with no clean pants or socks when he's already 5 minutes late leaving for school.
• Crap! Can't forget that the kids need to eat...over and over and over and over.  Does anyone else find themselves groaning a mealtime?  Maybe it's just me that finds the daily task exhausting?  I swear my generation just didn't get the meal prep ability of the generation before mine!  My mom and dad always seemed to have it pulled together at meal time.  
• Let's not forget that we must make sure there is adequate food in the house to meet the daily meal needs of 3 kids - all at different stages of meal consumption options.  This makes both grocery shopping and meal prep even more stressful...yikes, the pressure!!!
• Remembering to feed myself or pack a suitable meal for my 12 hour work day...usually means I walk out without fulfilling either task.  This, then, leads to too many trips to the vending machine or money spent in the cafe that could have been saved...for...I don't know, UNDERWEAR PURCHASES!!!  
• Can't forget the house cleaning, dish washing, bottle sanitizing, or bill paying!  Oye!!!  I'm ashamed to admit how lazy I am at the end of the day...the bathroom needs cleaning, the floors need swept and/or mopped, and don't even get me started on the need for dusting!!!!  

It's no wonder that as I folded socks and underwear last night, I was overwhelmed with shock and emotion as I found I had to throw away somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 pairs of my own underwear due to unraveling seams, holes, or unsightly stains from recent visits by Monthly Martha.  Really?  6 pairs at once?!?!!  How did so much time pass that I wore thru 6 more pairs of Jockey Underwear?!?!!  Not to mention, the very thought of having to go to the store and stand within the vastness that is the lingerie department in order to locate, appropriately size, and choose favorable colors of my tried and true Jockey Underwear is exhausting.....inducing panic when considering the shear cost of this major purchase.  

Where's the dang sock and underwear fairy when I need her?  Is it wrong to ask my mother to make a special birthday purchase for her grown daughter, about to turn 35?  Or, is it even more wrong that I'm most excited to get my tax refund so that I can go to the store to stock up on my favorite brand of underwear?  

So, I say.....gift underwear!  When we're 10, we don't see the value of such a gift....but at nearly 35, I'm wishing I were 10 again!!!  

I love Jesus....(but I drink a little)...

Ok, loads of people have been waiting patiently for this...so I hope it lives up to your expectations!

Have you met a Feltes?  I mean, really, do you know a Feltes?  Well, allow me to introduce myself to you.  My mother, Clare, was the eldest daughter and 2nd born in a family of 7 kids.  From all accounts, growing up as a Feltes child was nothing short of interesting.  From those 7 kids, came a gaggle of their own kids (I'm really bad with numbers, so I'm gonna guess there are 13 of us - not including Lauren's kids).  From those roughly 13, came a whole other bushel of children.

There are 5 things we, as direct Feltes blood-lined individuals, do VERY WELL:
1.  We laugh...loudly, distinctly, and unforgetably.  I can't tell you how many people told me when I was growing up that they could tell when my mom was anywhere near because of her distinct laugh -- and how often people say the same thing of me now.  Sitting around Hotel Simon, I realized that we all have a distinct laugh and I could probably identify most of you by your laughs.
2.  We are ALL "strong-minded".  Bull-headed; stubborn; strong-willed -- however you choose to say it, it's the truth.  You can't deny it...case in point: How many Feltes women (including Feltes spouse women) does it take to hook up a DVD player so we can watch a frickin' movie?  10 WOMEN (oh and Tim swooping in at the last minute to make sure all is well)!!!  Trying to explain to Judy that the movie will simply not play without having the TV connected to the DVD player took more than 5 minutes and me shaking cords in her face to make my point.  Can I get a "amen"!
3.  We drink....and we love our drink.  One must never doubt that when the Feltes family members are gathered, there will be alcohol.  Beer, wine, whiskey, vodka, tequila....you name it, we're drinking it.  And when I say "gathered", it can mean 3 of us travelling on vacation or 50 of us at a reunion.
4.  If we aren't drinking, we are cleaning....EVERYTHING.  I mean, honestly, the Feltes women (1st generation mentioned) are forever cleaning something...the kitchen, the picnic table, the yard, the pool, the living room floor, the dining room table, etc etc etc.  Sheila: "I'm not a drinker, I'm a cleaner"  Oh yeah, that's going on your t-shirt for the next reunion!  Sadly, I think that gene and inherent need to constantly be cleaning up, in most cases, did not get passed along to the 2nd generation Feltes women mentioned.  See, I'd rather have a drink than clean -- but that's just me.
5.  We cry, together - alone - silently - with anguish - and to comfort.  Tears heal, it's been a proven fact. Crying helps to cleanse our souls.  It brings us together and reminds us of all that we've been thru and all of those awesome Feltes family members (including the out-laws) who are standing right there beside us, even in the most difficult of times.

But, perhaps, the most identifying characteristic of our family is, by far, within the things we say, when we say them, and how we deliver the lines!

• Family dinner...salads delivered and mostly eaten, Judy: (throws her fork down on the table) "Oh my God, I think I just ate Spinich!"  
• Same family dinner...fascinating musical entertainment loudly blaring in our ears, Steven: "I wonder if they know 'Gettin Jiggy With It'?  Lisa: "That's my favorite song! I know every word!" Much to Steven's surprise, not only did she really love that song, but she had it at the ready for the drive home, AND she, Claire, and honorary family for the night, Holli, ALL knew the words and rocked it out for him!
• Again with the same family dinner...food just delivered - a bottle of A-1 Sauce arrives in front of Sheila, Tony: "Don't be ruining that good steak with steak sauce!" Waiter, in a whisper: "It's already ruined, she ordered it well-done." He fit right in with us...
• Final family dinner moment...several bantering texts between Tony and Steven have been passed, Steven, after receiving the check for the group: "You Bastards!" Tony: "That's Uncle Bastard to you!"
• And who can ever mistake a Judy-ism....not to be confused with Judaism...
• "You haven't done the potty dance til you've had 4 beers."
• "They left me the cigarettes but didn't leave me a f#$%^& lighter!!

This is but a snippit of the awesomeness that is the Feltes family....don't ya wish you had more of it a little more often?!

Tootles, and for the love of all that is Holy in this world...DON'T EAT THE DAMN SPINACH!!!